Months ago, Our Man In Beirut published an interesting post entitled “Sex, but no sex,” whereby he depicted with great wit the acute schizophrenia that Lebanese (Arab, “Oriental,” or whatever) women suffer from. Sexually provocative outside, “virgin” inside; sluttish looks, “virgin” reality; arousing outfits, tight skirts, slinky jeans, high heels, bloated boobs, luscious lips, pointing nipples, blablabla sex, … but no sex.
The Male Schizophrenia part, that OMIB calls “double standard” could be a bit expanded. Our males are man-whores, gagging for it, craving, dying to slip it into anything they could get. They want to have sex with their girlfriends, but openly say they will marry only a “virgin.” They even tell them that! Look at how perverse the system is. “I want to sleep with you, but my wife shall be a virgin.”
The guys might as well tell their girlfriends: “I consider you as a slut so I will leave you anyway to bang a virgin once I get married.” From that angle, I totally understand the Female Schizophrenia. They both deserve each other. Each of them is the other’s exact reflection!
So perversity is on both sides. And who is to blame? Society, yalla. Now here’s another insight into what I call “Perverse Virginity.”
Once upon a time, there was a Lebanese 26 year-old cutie who was a virgin. She was stunning enough to capture all the attention from the boys, let alone the attention she had from her parents. She had everything: the looks, the classiness, the brains (yes!), the education, the good manners, and the social distinction. She was the Lebanese princess par excellence; smothered by Daddy with care and love and everything. But above all, she had kept her Virginity. She hadn’t done so on religious grounds, quite the contrary, she was not religious; not very into the spirituality thing; not a churchgoer, not a rosary payer, not all that at all. She had kept it for her parents; maybe because of them, out of love or respect for them, out of fear – or whatever – of them. This girl had gone out with a whole bunch of guys, she had had numerous dates, endless attention, quite a few stalkers, secret admirers; men had lusted after her, desired her, tried to get her, despaired over her, etc. In short, she had many boyfriends, long-term relationships, short-term romances, sporadic flirts with strangers. The usual for a girl like her. But she had kept it all along. She had carried it with her despite all the temptations, the begging, the curiosity; despite the feelings, the hormones, the periods of rut. She had not lost it. But she wanted to. But she could not. Because her parents had told her so, and because she always wanted to obey them.
When she fantasized being in bed with a handsome lover stimulating her clitoris with his Manhood, the Taboo would materialize in the image of her mother shouting: “What are you doing? This is shameful! Stop it immediately!” Then the Image would stop reprimanding and start crying and lamenting instead, mourning the lost piece of flesh, and the death of her little girl. Sometimes, the Taboo would take the terrorizing image of her father, but beyond that, you see my point. She simply could not do it.
Our girl eventually lost her Virginity to a Frenchman she was dating while studying abroad. It was not because she was abroad that she did so; it was not distance that liberated her from her inner fears. At the end of the day, she wanted to get rid of it. The religious reason had never been explored in her mind. It was a family-related configuration, a parental complex, if you will. So, anyway, she lost it. And she did not marry that Frenchman. She ended up later with other men. Not too many, because she is not a slut. And, until now, she refuses to be penetrated easily. Unless within the reassuring confines of a serious love relationship possibly leading to marriage, which is, after all, a very legitimate option.
We hear of other stories of Virgins who have long-term, sometimes very long-term relationships without losing their hymen? They would do everything, anything, to their man, if they have been long enough with him, and feel comfortable enough with him, to please him, and indulge into some pleasure for themselves as well, which involves mutual caressing of the genitals (commonly known as hand jobs and fingering), oral sex (commonly known as blow jobs, fellatio, and cunnilingus), and, sometimes, for those who love it, being taken from behind – you picture the idea.
They would do licking, tickling, biting and kissing everywhere on erogenous zones; he would stroke the G-spot until the final enjoyment (is that anatomically possible with virgins? I really don’t know. Anyway, I apologize); she would suck diligently, and suck well sometimes, she would swallow the opalescent and imperceptibly sweet liquid, or she might not, and hurry to the sink, or use a handkerchief within reach, to spit it out in. They would play all the erotic games possible, make each other come, hear each other’s lustful screams. They would do all that. She would do it… while keeping her hymen safe.
She may even join her hands in prayer, at night, alone in her bed, thanking God for preserving her Virginity, or ask the Virgin Mary to help her keep it. Then, she would sneak her hand down to the Dark Garden of Hidden Delights and abandon herself to her own satisfaction, thinking of her fiancé, or her lover. She might not do so every night; once a prayer, once a pleasure, once both. During her transports, she might or might not experience guilt. To most of them, it’s “normal.”
That’s Virginity, ladies and gentlemen, or at least, so it appears.
So let’s break down the concept: sex is allowed, but not penetration. Or maybe not a full one, just a well-measured partial penetration in compliance with the anatomic math. Is that possible? Just a speculation.
That is, ladies and gentlemen, the definition of Virginity. In fact, now that we’re thinking, it coincides with the definition of sex… Therefore, embrace, dear ladies and gentlemen, the concept of “Sexual Virginity.” Hail it! Long live lechery and intact hymens!
Ladies and gentlemen, back in the days, the event of marriage occurred at an early stage. Man would take wife, virgin wife, and live with her until death tore them apart. Once the woman taken, man could not get the merchandise back, as in today’s habit (called divorce). So the woman was a Virgin. As for the man, society did not care. He probably must have paid for a mechanical orgasm. Oh, let’s not forget to mention that, until today in my country, it is very common for a man to screw prostitutes to release the tension that a protracted romance may build up, or a belated engagement or wedding, until the long-awaited liberation: marriage.
Today, we use pick-up lines, attempt to seduce, play the beau gosse, study laws of attraction, and more, to get into a woman’s pants. Back in the days, for most of us (that is, the men), marriage was among the top best ways to get laid. Seriously.
Back then, it was easier to wait! It was feasible.
But times change, my dears! Men and women get married later, nowadays. Higher education requires more years of celibacy, the cash is not flowing as it used to, the house not so affordable to be bought and furnished, and the wedding expenses!… beyond your imagination. So the men, who are supposed to pay for all that, or the most it, logically tend to get married later. That is, in their very late twenties, if they’re precocious, in their reasonable thirties, if they’re normal, in their late thirties, if they’re late, and in their forties, if they have a problem, such as liking women too much, or not that much, or have a mother issue, etc.
Now, how on earth a heterosexual man endowed with a penis (yes, this is a pleonasm) is supposed to abstain from sex until his marriage. To marry a woman who holds a “Certificate of Clinically Proven Virginity (CCPV),” he would have to screw around for many years, then choose one CCPV-holder and abstain from full penetration for a certain period of time with her, but not necessarily discontinue this practice with random whores, or other sluts (it depends).
Does the man accept this? Does the Virgin accept this? Is this arrangement in conformity with their religion, with the teachings of their Holy Book?
To make it simpler, the question is only this: Is safeguarding the Hymen the only condition for Virginity?
Let’s make things clear: I am neither the Commander of the Virginity Destruction Unit, nor the leader of the Anti-Hymen Movement.
What I contend is the following:
Virginity is not a matter of anatomy.
Virginity is the opposite of Sex.
The absence of Sex.
The ignorance of Sex.
The renunciation to Sex.
Sex is not a matter of genitalia.
Sex is beyond genital games. It is flirtatious body language, eye contact, teasing, verbal games.
Sex is a behavioral process, an interaction.
Sexuality is Wanting sex.
Based on the above,
99.99% of the self-considered Virgins are not actually Virgins.
Now hear what I preach. As a matter of fact, here’s what I don’t preach first. I don’t preach the Apocalypse of Virginity. Nor do I preach its Abolition.
What I believe is: Hold on to your beliefs. If a man or a woman wants to be a Virgin, be it forever, or until marriage, so be it. But in that case, justify the reason. Religious? Accepted. They would have to follow the example of the Virgin Mary, for instance (just giving you an idea of a role model); they would have to compare to Her, do the same as Her, be another “Virgin version” of Her. They would have to be void of Sex in the full sense of the expression.
Otherwise, spare me the pseudo-Virginity, spare me the self-delusion. That might please one’s parents, but certainly not God, if He is indeed perceived as the reason behind it.
As for the others, accept your sexuality and do not live in guilt.
Good reads on the subject:
Roland Kelts, “Japan leads the way in sexless love,” The Guardian, December 27, 2011.
Nadia Lamlili, “MAROC: La virginité n’est plus ce qu’elle était“, Courrier international, 7 août 2007.
Wafaa Lrhezziou, “MAROC: ‘Like a virgin’“, Courrier international, 19 janvier 2010.