Lebanon’s Sexual Virgins.

Months ago, Our Man In Beirut published an interesting post entitled “Sex, but no sex,” whereby he depicted with great wit the acute schizophrenia that Lebanese (Arab, “Oriental,” or whatever) women suffer from. Sexually provocative outside, “virgin” inside; sluttish looks, “virgin” reality; arousing outfits, tight skirts, slinky jeans, high heels, bloated boobs, luscious lips, pointing nipples, blablabla sex, … but no sex.

The Male Schizophrenia part, that OMIB calls “double standard” could be a bit expanded. Our males are man-whores, gagging for it, craving, dying to slip it into anything they could get. They want to have sex with their girlfriends, but openly say they will marry only a “virgin.” They even tell them that! Look at how perverse the system is. “I want to sleep with you, but my wife shall be a virgin.”

The guys might as well tell their girlfriends: “I consider you as a slut so I will leave you anyway to bang a virgin once I get married.” From that angle, I totally understand the Female Schizophrenia. They both deserve each other. Each of them is the other’s exact reflection!

So perversity is on both sides. And who is to blame? Society, yalla. Now here’s another insight into what I call “Perverse Virginity.”

Once upon a time, there was a Lebanese 26 year-old cutie who was a virgin. She was stunning enough to capture all the attention from the boys, let alone the attention she had from her parents. She had everything: the looks, the classiness, the brains (yes!), the education, the good manners, and the social distinction. She was the Lebanese princess par excellence; smothered by Daddy with care and love and everything. But above all, she had kept her Virginity. She hadn’t done so on religious grounds, quite the contrary, she was not religious; not very into the spirituality thing; not a churchgoer, not a rosary payer, not all that at all. She had kept it for her parents; maybe because of them, out of love or respect for them, out of fear – or whatever – of them. This girl had gone out with a whole bunch of guys, she had had numerous dates, endless attention, quite a few stalkers, secret admirers; men had lusted after her, desired her, tried to get her, despaired over her, etc. In short, she had many boyfriends, long-term relationships, short-term romances, sporadic flirts with strangers. The usual for a girl like her. But she had kept it all along. She had carried it with her despite all the temptations, the begging, the curiosity; despite the feelings, the hormones, the periods of rut. She had not lost it. But she wanted to. But she could not. Because her parents had told her so, and because she always wanted to obey them.

When she fantasized being in bed with a handsome lover stimulating her clitoris with his Manhood, the Taboo would materialize in the image of her mother shouting: “What are you doing? This is shameful! Stop it immediately!” Then the Image would stop reprimanding and start crying and lamenting instead, mourning the lost piece of flesh, and the death of her little girl. Sometimes, the Taboo would take the terrorizing image of her father, but beyond that, you see my point. She simply could not do it.

Our girl eventually lost her Virginity to a Frenchman she was dating while studying abroad. It was not because she was abroad that she did so; it was not distance that liberated her from her inner fears. At the end of the day, she wanted to get rid of it. The religious reason had never been explored in her mind. It was a family-related configuration, a parental complex, if you will. So, anyway, she lost it. And she did not marry that Frenchman. She ended up later with other men. Not too many, because she is not a slut. And, until now, she refuses to be penetrated easily. Unless within the reassuring confines of a serious love relationship possibly leading to marriage, which is, after all, a very legitimate option.

We hear of other stories of Virgins who have long-term, sometimes very long-term relationships without losing their hymen? They would do everything, anything, to their man, if they have been long enough with him, and feel comfortable enough with him, to please him, and indulge into some pleasure for themselves as well, which involves mutual caressing of the genitals (commonly known as hand jobs and fingering), oral sex (commonly known as blow jobs, fellatio, and cunnilingus), and, sometimes, for those who love it, being taken from behind – you picture the idea.

They would do licking, tickling, biting and kissing everywhere on erogenous zones; he would stroke the G-spot until the final enjoyment (is that anatomically possible with virgins? I really don’t know. Anyway, I apologize); she would suck diligently, and suck well sometimes, she would swallow the opalescent and imperceptibly sweet liquid, or she might not, and hurry to the sink, or use a handkerchief within reach, to spit it out in. They would play all the erotic games possible, make each other come, hear each other’s lustful screams. They would do all that. She would do it… while keeping her hymen safe.

She may even join her hands in prayer, at night, alone in her bed, thanking God for preserving her Virginity, or ask the Virgin Mary to help her keep it. Then, she would sneak her hand down to the Dark Garden of Hidden Delights and abandon herself to her own satisfaction, thinking of her fiancé, or her lover. She might not do so every night; once a prayer, once a pleasure, once both. During her transports, she might or might not experience guilt. To most of them, it’s “normal.”

That’s Virginity, ladies and gentlemen, or at least, so it appears.

So let’s break down the concept: sex is allowed, but not penetration. Or maybe not a full one, just a well-measured partial penetration in compliance with the anatomic math. Is that possible? Just a speculation.

That is, ladies and gentlemen, the definition of Virginity. In fact, now that we’re thinking, it coincides with the definition of sex… Therefore, embrace, dear ladies and gentlemen, the concept of “Sexual Virginity.” Hail it! Long live lechery and intact hymens!

Ladies and gentlemen, back in the days, the event of marriage occurred at an early stage. Man would take wife, virgin wife, and live with her until death tore them apart. Once the woman taken, man could not get the merchandise back, as in today’s habit (called divorce). So the woman was a Virgin. As for the man, society did not care. He probably must have paid for a mechanical orgasm. Oh, let’s not forget to mention that, until today in my country, it is very common for a man to screw prostitutes to release the tension that a protracted romance may build up, or a belated engagement or wedding, until the long-awaited liberation: marriage.

Today, we use pick-up lines, attempt to seduce, play the beau gosse, study laws of attraction, and more, to get into a woman’s pants. Back in the days, for most of us (that is, the men), marriage was among the top best ways to get laid. Seriously.

Back then, it was easier to wait! It was feasible.

But times change, my dears! Men and women get married later, nowadays. Higher education requires more years of celibacy, the cash is not flowing as it used to, the house not so affordable to be bought and furnished, and the wedding expenses!… beyond your imagination. So the men, who are supposed to pay for all that, or the most it, logically tend to get married later. That is, in their very late twenties, if they’re precocious, in their reasonable thirties, if they’re normal, in their late thirties, if they’re late, and in their forties, if they have a problem, such as liking women too much, or not that much, or have a mother issue, etc.

Now, how on earth a heterosexual man endowed with a penis (yes, this is a pleonasm) is supposed to abstain from sex until his marriage. To marry a woman who holds a “Certificate of Clinically Proven Virginity (CCPV),” he would have to screw around for many years, then choose one CCPV-holder and abstain from full penetration for a certain period of time with her, but not necessarily discontinue this practice with random whores, or other sluts (it depends).

Does the man accept this? Does the Virgin accept this? Is this arrangement in conformity with their religion, with the teachings of their Holy Book?

To make it simpler, the question is only this: Is safeguarding the Hymen the only condition for Virginity?

Let’s make things clear: I am neither the Commander of the Virginity Destruction Unit, nor the leader of the Anti-Hymen Movement.

What I contend is the following:

Virginity is not a matter of anatomy.

Virginity is the opposite of Sex.

The absence of Sex.

The ignorance of Sex.

The renunciation to Sex.

Sex is not a matter of genitalia.

Sex is beyond genital games. It is flirtatious body language, eye contact, teasing, verbal games.

Sex is a behavioral process, an interaction.

Sexuality is Wanting sex.


Based on the above,

99.99% of the self-considered Virgins are not actually Virgins.

Now hear what I preach. As a matter of fact, here’s what I don’t preach first. I don’t preach the Apocalypse of Virginity. Nor do I preach its Abolition.

What I believe is: Hold on to your beliefs. If a man or a woman wants to be a Virgin, be it forever, or until marriage, so be it. But in that case, justify the reason. Religious? Accepted. They would have to follow the example of the Virgin Mary, for instance (just giving you an idea of a role model); they would have to compare to Her, do the same as Her, be another “Virgin version” of Her. They would have to be void of Sex in the full sense of the expression.

Otherwise, spare me the pseudo-Virginity, spare me the self-delusion. That might please one’s parents, but certainly not God, if He is indeed perceived as the reason behind it.

As for the others, accept your sexuality and do not live in guilt.

“Ceux-ci ne sont pas des hymens.” by a.s. – Dec. 31, 2011.


Good reads on the subject:

Roland Kelts, “Japan leads the way in sexless love,” The Guardian, December 27, 2011.

Nadia Lamlili, “MAROC: La virginité n’est plus ce qu’elle était“, Courrier international, 7 août 2007.

Wafaa Lrhezziou, “MAROC: ‘Like a virgin’“, Courrier international, 19 janvier 2010.

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10 Responses to Lebanon’s Sexual Virgins.

  1. Pingback: Sexuality in Lebanon: A Documentary. | "Billets d'humeur" on Lebanon.

  2. Pingback: The Virgin’s Dialogue. | "Billets d'humeur" on Lebanon.

  3. K.Daher says:

    Amen to that!
    I really do hope the lebanese youth embrace their sexuality, for it is not a burden, it is a blessing.

  4. jessikamalo says:

    I agree, to me if a couple come when being together, virginity just flew out of the window, the concept of virginity not the materialized presence!
    To me, I am virgin, I am spiritual yes, even religioys though I have not got the rosary habit! I have conservative parents who prefer that I do not give them a shitty reputation, but I do not have sex for two reasons: one is lack of love for a particular person, two is fear of becoming sexually attached and dependent!

  5. Pingback: More Virgin Stories from the Sex Field. | "Billets d'humeur" on Lebanon.

  6. Anonymous says:

    As of personal experience, I have to point out that (although I don’t reside in Lebanon anymore), my amorous experiences there came with women who were around 10 years my senior.
    I have an argument to give about Lebanese women’s sexuality and the repercussions of their sexist environment.
    Ultimately, women who get over the “virginity” complex as the writer very well put it, have these experiences with, inevitably, Lebanese men. (Also choosing foreigners for first-times or flings so as not to be judged). As time passes by, they tend to get tired of the sickness of the reality and seek some sort of refuge that characterizes itself as “regressions”, thus dating a man 10 years their junior. Someone who is intellectually up to their standards but who nevertheless is what his age restricts him to. I suppose that the women somehow “wish” to relive that stage of their life when they were that much younger, not because they regret what they did but because they are unhappy with their present. I have to say, Lebanese women also love esotericism, thus dating men 10 years their junior.
    I see it as a kind of preemptive revenge or statement that they hold in as consolation when they are socially forced to tie the knot to a stranger who fills a set of specific religious and socioeconomic requirements or to the a**hole who they succumb to for the sake of these same requirements.
    What do you think?
    This is something kind of unheard of because people keep this a secret, but the same trend happens in Spain, Italy and Europe in general too.

    • a.s. says:

      Thank you “Anonymous” for this insightful comment. Indeed, as I think I made clear in the first lines of the post, this “perverse virginity” phenomenon is definitely a repercussion of a sexist environment, *which they internalize and absorb*. There is also a male equivalent to this perversity, which I haven’t elaborated further, but definitely deserves to.
      Choosing foreigners for first-times or flings is also a telling clue. By opting for a partner who is “outside the local social fabric”, it is a way to escape society’s judgment. There must be other reasons, but have not given it a deeper thought.
      The “cougar” or “puma” dating issue is also interesting. Does it have the same meaning in “oriental” societies as in “the West”? I have no answer to it yet.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      • Anonymous says:

        Thank you for your read and your reply. I suppose this blog deserves to be fomented in Lebanon after a little step up in quality, for what it is worth. I assume it is really discouraging to write and post and not be read properly, you cannot but feel ran over.
        Anyway, as a result of these experiences, and what I am living now in a new place, I came to be even more interested in the nature of the Lebanese’s (and everyone’s) modus vivendi in camera (pun intended). Talking about concepts alternating from virginity to love to abortion to Lebanese women’s general perception and according behavior.
        One sole post would not sum it all up properly though. It would float on the general and sail nowhere, so I will then wait for your next posts to see what you have to say in regard.

  7. K.-R. M. says:

    True. I think like you. Also, it doesn’t matter whether my future wife will be virgin at marriage or not if everything else is OK.–Reassuring: many guys think like me– At the opposite, I seek a girl with some sexual experience and who’s good at that stuff.
    Also, I support your vision “the hymen is not the limit” encouraging girls to be either sexually active (I prefer) or true virgins but not in-the-middle, what we call in French “allumeuses” (this is bitchy).

  8. A.L. says:

    To start I’d like to say that I do agree with the main part of the post. Who wouldn’t ? It’s a good deal for « true virgins » who don’t want to be mixed up with those « perverted virgins », it’s a good deal for women that openly like sex (or act as if) and it’s a great deal for men who are tired of false promises. I understand those women and if I was one of those trapped men I would be angry.
    But I feel like being the Devil’s lawyer. I’m not an « oriental » woman so eventually what I will say will be inadequate but whatever …
    Once upon a time men wanted virgins because they needed biologically to be sure that they were raising their own children. But once upon a time people were dying younger and consequently they were getting married younger, when girls started to be interested in sex they were already married so no problem.
    Lifestyles changed but traditions and « expectations » didn’t. Men want virgins for their honeymoon (of course they have to be sex goddess too) and their daughter to be as ignorant as possible about that « hot spot ».
    As a little girl you are perfectly ready to stay a Virgin, actually sex is a bit frightening. And then something really strange happens, you grow up, at school people start to make fun of you because you don’t know what « to make out » means, and suddenly life starts to be complicated, your parents want you to stay « innocent » and verdant but all your peers expect you to know every single horny little détails.
    Nobody cars if you are actually interested or not and at some point you lose track, you don’t know if you are interested or not. What you know is that you want to fit in your world. No one wants to be called an idiot by their « friends » and being a « Saint Ni touche » is not in the fashion anymore and not one wants to be called a slut, a whore (and other nice names) or treated as a slut.
    So any girl who has a bit of brain finds a compromise. This solution can be called « perverse Virginity ». Those girls just want to be a part of the world, it needs so much strenght and will to fight against it. That is why even if the solution is despicable I can understand it. I didn’t have to face such a situation so I’d rather not judging (even if I’ll avoid being friend with those kind of women) and I think no one who didn’t face it should.
    Moreover, if we complain about the women playing the sex game (which is asking for sex without ever doing it) then we should also complain about those men (or women) who play the love game. I want a post on « perverse love » (which would be asking for love and/or acting as if in love without ever giving love).
    Anyway all that is just about happiness, it shouldn’t stop anyone from trying to have sex or love.
    I’d like to end with a little story. A friend of mine told me that once she spent a night with a young man, during the night they got in touch with their sensuality before falling asleep but they did not have sex. When the morning came they woke up, they had breakfast, at some point he said, « fortunately we didn’t go too far », trust me for her it was making no difference because her feelings for him would have been the same if they had. I guess some men play the sex game too.

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